I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
