im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
