my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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