i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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