I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Vodka?
Forever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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