oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just gargled with NyQuil
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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