hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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