I didn't shave. On purpose
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
