i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize