This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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