member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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