I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize