I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
