Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
