I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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