I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
