No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
