you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
