the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
