I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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