Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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