You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
