If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
