even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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