who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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