she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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