I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize