You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
