I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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