I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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