If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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