idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
