I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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