It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
