after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So many bounce houses so little time
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
