she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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