I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
