It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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