I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Send help, water and tortillas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize