she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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