Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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