She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
