what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
