I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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