Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
