hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
