Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
