you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
