Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Houston, we have a blender
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
