how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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