I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
