I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
