Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
