I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
