I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
