Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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