Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What a dumb baby whore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
