He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
