I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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