Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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