dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
